Prayers of Obedience and Boldness

Wow. Life sure has been busy. Between a rough pregnancy and now a new baby, not only have I had little time to update my blog, but the lack of sleep doesn't make for dream filled nights! However, God has spoken in other ways, and I do have some catching up I can do from many months ago. I'll start with this...

My dream ironically begins with me waking up. I think right away about calling my friend D. It is really early in the morning but I decide to try anyway. My call wakes her up, but she still chooses to talk. I find out that she is feeling really ill, yet is not sure why. She can't even seem to get out of bed. D falls asleep while she is trying to carry on our conversation. I feel strongly prompted to pray for her while we are still connected on the phone - even if she is unaware. My prayers with God remain thoughts, silent to the rest of the world. My next and immediate prompting is to pray aloud. Obediently, I begin with a whisper and increasingly get louder until I reach a normal talking voice. D wakes up. The next thing I know, I am with her, sitting on the edge of her bed. We are talking about how she feels. I hear my voice some what like an echo, as if I'm far away. It says, "the pain you are feeling is emotional, deal with the emotions and the pain will go away." D lays there, just staring at me, looking curious. I realize that she is waiting for me to speak. She is aware that something strange is going on with me. I ask her, "did you hear that?" She answers me rather confused, "no." That's when I realize, rather shocked and amazed, that I just heard a message from God and I share it with her.

When I awoke from this dream, my initial reaction was to think that perhaps my friend needed prayer. That there was (or would be) something going on in her life. So, I called her to find out. Although the dream definitely highlighted D, there didn't seem to be much connection between the vision and her circumstances. I took some time in prayer to see if God could help me unfold the message. He revealed to me the now obvious conclusion - that this dream had nothing to do with my friend. It had everything to do with asking me to step up and be bold, once again! I feel He was saying that while I frequently hear His voice well, I need to speak out with bravery and faith in prayer. That if I can accomplish this, so much more will be revealed. When I prayed in my head, nothing happened. When I faithfully stepped out and began praying louder, it brought me closer to my friend. It was then that I heard God speaking clearly and audibly. It was then that He revealed things unknown to us. It was then that He gave us guidance. It was as if God was telling me, be bold, speak out, have faith, trust and be obedient. If I had not been obedient and trusting in the first place to His prompting to call D, and then to pray aloud, we would have never heard what He had to share with us.

On another note, I like how God's voice was like my own. I like how, even though I did not know it was Him at first, it was so obvious and audible. I like how He rewarded me for my obedience. It tells me that He will not ask us to do something without coming through on His end. It also tells me that he cares. I questioned why He didn't just give me answers in the first place. I'm certain that if He had, without leading me to ask questions, I would have never known it was Him speaking.

I have been challenged to speak my prayers boldly and aloud, and to be obedient to how God is calling me to pray. I challenge you to do the same. Yes, God can hear your thoughts, and it is still a good way to pray. I am not suggesting that God will not listen to your silent prayers. I am certain he hears every cry of our heart, however spoken. However, there is something so much more faith building and empowering when we speak out in our prayers. Listen for God's prompting. Allow Him to guide what and how your pray. If he guides you in a certain direction, you can trust that He will reveal Himself and His love for you.

2:30 am Revelation

While I am still trying to play catch up on some messages I've received, I feel compelled to return to the present for a bit.

God has been working in my heart for some time on the issue of jealousy. I wouldn't classify myself as a jealous person in general, but every once in a while that emotion would arise in my heart. Even though I knew it was wrong I couldn't stop it from happening. Head knowledge doesn't always transfer to the heart. After all, how do you reason away emotions? Recently that feeling surfaced again, and made me feel so ugly. God finds our beauty in our hearts, and mine was not looking so good at that moment. In despair, I did what I should have done long ago. I put it in His hands. I prayed and told Him that I am not capable of changing how I react emotionally. While I can outwardly react in the correct manner, I needed Him to keep that jealousy from showing it's ugly face at all. Well, He certainly came through.

The same message that has helped me to be bold enough to share this blog with the world is the same one that caused my latest revelation. As it has been brought to my attention a few times now, God bestows giftings upon us. They, however, are not for us alone. While we may benefit from them, we are called to share them with others, in order to build them up, the outcome of which becomes another gift to us. This mentality is what convinced me that it would be selfish to keep the gifts I've received for myself. They are not mine to keep.

The other night, at 2:30 in the morning, both of my children woke up at the same time. I managed to get them to sleep easily again and crawled back into bed. I closed my eyes and all of a sudden, it hit me like running into a brick wall! Those occaional things that stir up jealousy in me, those giftings I often envy, they ARE mine! God has gifted others with these things so that I may benefit from them, so that I may be nurtured, so that I may see Him in others. All along I've been a fool. Instead of accepting these gifts from God, I have been jealous of the very things He's given to me!

I had expected that one day I would just notice I was no longer jealous, and would be able to give God credit, but He did more than that. He changed my perspective so that I have no more need for jealousy and, at the same time, reminded me of His love for me.

This is probably one of the only times I can say I'm grateful my children woke me up from a blissful sleep! It was worth it to be up for the next half hour or so just marveling at the discovery. I don't know for how long He had been preparing my heart to hear this word, or how loud He had to yell, but I am glad He is a patient and loving God that keeps trying!

This may not be a new discovery to you, but perhaps you will find another message in this revelation. Maybe it's a reminder to use your giftings and share your God moments with others, so that you may be an encouragement. Maybe it will help you to be more bold as well, knowing that you may be holding onto some one else's gift. I can guarantee you, the reward for sharing what God has done for you, or has given you, is like opening an even larger present.

Christ's Return

Yes, I had a dream about Christ coming back. I woke up with this gem on the morning of January 13, 2009. I don't even know where to start with this one. It was so full of messages, big ones and small ones. I feel it's necessary to go over the dream, but I have shortened the details so it doesn't become a novel...and hopefully doesn't deter you from coming back to read more!

I went out for an afternoon and ended up downtown Montreal, where I used to live. Crossing the street I had an encounter with an impatient man, to which I reacted very badly. Realizing this, I attempted to correct my reaction with a wave and a smile. I stopped at the foot of a big hill and felt the need to return home as I was unprepared for this outing. Turning around I saw people's faces filled with worry and I turned back to see what they were looking at. Charcoal gray clouds were rolling in fast, and so I decided to hurry. I looked again at the sky after entering a glass roofed building and saw the clouds growing at an alarming rate. There was no wind or rain, just these ominous clouds. I began to feel desperate to get home and searched for the subway entrance. I finally found it only to realize that I did not have my wallet. I decided to appeal to the ticket man's good nature. He had one, and let me through. I lingered, struggling with the need to say, "God bless you" and finally found the guts to do so. I arrived back home in the garage and noticed all sorts of people in the yard. Strangers, but they were welcome there. I also noticed the clouds breaking up, as if running from something, and just evaporating. The fear in me subsided, curiosity took over, and so I went into the yard to get a better look. I questioned a man as to whether he thought it might be Christ coming back. He said no and looked at me strangely, but I was convinced that's what was happening. Thinking this is "it," I began to feel frantic to be with my family and hold onto them, but then felt God prompting me to pray. I heard Him tell me that I had no power in this situation, he comforted me and peace returned. A bright light began to come closer in the now clear sky, like a beam, growing longer and wider. It was soft, warm, comforting and really bright. This is definitely Christ, I told myself. Almost throwing myself, I laid on the ground and reached my arms into the air (despite people's reactions and thoughts) and began singing at the top of my lungs:

"Behold He comes riding on the clouds
Shining like the sun at the trumpet call
So lift your voice it's the year of jubilee
Out of Zion's hills salvation comes"

The light then passed over us, the sky turned dark but was littered with mores stars than I could have ever imagined. A few seconds later, there was a small "poof" sound and complete darkness followed-as if the universe had disappeared. The glow of the city lights began to appear. People started discussing the event. I was still convinced Jesus has returned but others were suggesting the possibility of a meteor. I was in complete disbelief of their blindness.

It was at this point I woke up to a child who needed some TLC. It was hard to pull myself out of bed as I wanted to stay in that dream and see what happened next. The excitement, joy and peace were unexplainable. I managed to get up, but found myself with a strange feeling of fear. I kept peeking over my shoulder and around corners, checking to see if there was an intruder in the house.

The big picture: I have been over this dream many times. While I am not sure I have unveiled all of the smaller messages, the general message is obvious to me and, I am certain, not just for myself. I believe the great reminder to all of us is that we need to live as though Christ is returning. It's not a message of "we are all going to hell," but a reminder to live for our eternity, to live beyond what this earth has to offer us. A reminder of what is really important and where our eyes need to be focused. I was not ready for Christ to come back. I found myself on a journey without my wallet, a repetitive symbol in my dreams. Once again I had travelled a fair distance without being prepared. It raises questions of how we can get so far along a path we see as right, without being properly prepared. As I prayed over my dream the big hill was highlighted. I asked Jesus what that hill was and I heard, "justice." I had to turn around as I wasn't ready to climb that hill of justice.

Just as the Bible says, He will come like a thief (Revelations 16:15). We won't expect Him, but we won't be able to miss Him either. My dream began as an ordinary day, filled with ordinary tasks. I found myself in my past, so to speak, where I used to live. I feel this is a symbol of reverting back to old lives. Not necessarily forgetting about God, but more about falling back into our old life patterns. The other thing that stood out for me here is that I didn't even see how I got there. All of a sudden I was far away from "home." Far away from where my heart was suppose to be. It seemed to have "just happened." It's amazing how easily our focus can slip without us even noticing.

The smaller picture: There were many smaller themes throughout this dream as well. Many of them are aspects of how we can live our lives for Christ.

Make amends: I turned around to correct my reaction to the impatient driver. It is never to late to attempt righting wrongs, and we should always try to do so. Listen to that voice in your head that prompts you to do the right thing.

Need for the body: It was only when I saw the look of worry in the faces of others that I turned around to see the storm that was approaching. A storm that I had been facing and walking toward all along. It takes other members of Christ's body to help us see things that are happening in our own lives. We need each other.

What really matters: During my attempt to get home, what mattered most was not my safety or the things around me, but the people I love. I believe we are being reminded that people, our brothers and sisters, God's children, Christian and non Christian, are what matter on this earth. Of course, when I began to cling to my family I was reminded that I needed to cling to God above all else. That He is the one in whom I need to put my faith. When the last days come none of the rest matters, only the relationships we have had with each other and with God.

Be bold: This is a message that is aimed at my heart for sure. I know that God is calling me to be more bold. Perhaps He is doing the same for you. I hesitated to share some simple words with a stranger in fear of earthly judgement - as if that is something to fear. Then later I threw myself onto the ground singing out to our King, even though I knew people were looking at me strangely. We need to be bold. While we don't have to have an "in your face" attitude, at times we will be called to stand, share or show our faith and voice what we believe. Sometimes it may be boisterous and other times gentle.

Convictions: Don't let the views of others, especially non Christians, change what you know is true in your heart. I found myself in disbelief over people's opinions and views, and even though it seemed strange to many of them, I continued to believe with all my heart that it was in fact Christ we had seen. Don't let their disbelief affect your own faith. Of course, need I say, you should always weigh things along side God's word.

Lean on God: I felt called to pray about my need to be with my family. God actually reminded me in the midst of it to talk to Him. Call on Him and He will answer you (Jeremiah 33:3). Without Him I felt anxiety, with Him peace.

Pay attention: The sky disappeared with a little "poof." A sound so small for such a big even and one that would have gone unnoticed had I not been looking. Imagine all the things we miss in life when we walk around with our proverbial eyes closed.

Fear: While we are not to fear the things of this earth, I did wake with a horrible fear in my heart. I believe that feeling was contrasting my being in Christ's beautiful and peaceful light. Coming back to this earthly reality I think I finally got a glimpse at how evil our world really is. We get so used to this world and we no longer see the things that aren't "of God" for what they truly are. I often live in a box where I am sheltered from the lies terrible things that happen here and can easily convince myself that this life is pretty good. I will even admit that there have been times I don't even desire heaven, as I'm quite happy in my box. But, after this dream, no more. After feeling the anticipation, the excitement, the joy and peace of Christ (even if only in a dream), I look forward to the day of His return.

Sadly, the initial feelings of this dream faded as the hours passed. This is something that can happen to us all. Over time things we are so positive about, experiences we have felt, can begin to turn into doubt, disbelief or they become weaker. We need to constantly remind ourselves of God's words and promises.

May this message prompt you to take a look at your life. Have you grown complacent? Are you living with Christ's return in your heart? What does it look like for you to do that? I pray that you too may grasp the joy of heaven, the joy of meeting the One who loves us so much and the joy of spending eternity with Him. May you find His peace cover you, so that the evil in this world does not bring you fear. But may you also not forget that this is not heaven, that there is something far better.

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