Listening With A Heart Of Faith

Another Lesson in Patience

2012-01-19T00:26:00.000-07:00

Recently God has been reminding me of how patient He is...and how patient I am not. Now, by earthly standards, I've been told I am very patient. However, from God's view, I still need some work. He has also been reminding me of how He answers prayer, and follows through on His promises.

I have been leading a study group for over three years now. Before I dove into the challenge, I spent some time praying about what the group would look like, what our focus would be. I felt God leading us in the direction of His love. We were to learn about it, accept it, then share and spread that love. When no one seemed to be signing up to come, except one marginally obligated friend, I was disappointed and began to question if it had been God I was hearing. Then He graciously gave me a dream about the group. I was leading the study. Every time I looked up from what I was reading there were more and more people in my kitchen. It got to the point where I began to worry there wasn't enough room or food for everyone. When I woke, I was pretty sure God was confirming that this was the path I was to take and that He would grow the group. Soon, I would be amazed at how many people were attending.

A few hours before our first meeting was to be held, I received a phone call from another friend. Although she thought she was calling to check in on me, it turned out that God had wanted her to join the group. And so, there were three members. The next meeting we were up to four people. I was excited to see the word God gave me coming to fruition. But the numbers stopped growing and I didn't have to refurnish my home to fit a huge crowd. I continued to lead without worry - God would bring those who needed to be there. We dove into a book. I figured by the end of our first year together we would be sharing God's love with others and spreading it around like wildfire. Apparently that wasn't exactly God's plan. While I am sure, individually, we often projected His love to others, as a group we didn't really reach that stage until the end our our third year together. It was amazing how it just seemed to happen, how one person's heart infected the rest of ours. Everything just fell into place and we began organizing ladies events for the women of our community. I laugh now when I think back to that first year. Seeing things in hindsight, I know we would have never been ready to take these steps after a year, not even two. God invested three years in us and patiently waited for each of us to grow and be ready.

The other thing that happened was our group did grow. We now have six official members, but there is more to our numbers than our bi-weekly meetings. We had so many volunteers come to help us out with our last event, it was amazing! And at the end of the afternoon we even had attendees asking if they could help out at the next event! So, while I may not have an overflow of people in my house, God has increased our numbers - just not the way I had expected, and not as quickly as I had anticipated.

I am so glad that God is more patient than I am. I'm pretty sure my group members are too! I still struggle with my need to hurry things along, but I can rest in the knowledge that He is always at work. I am trying to let go of my own expectations and be confident in the promise that God always comes through. I am attempting to become more patient, remembering that His vantage point is far better than my own, and His timing is perfect.

Doors and Flimsy Gates

2011-08-31T01:48:00.000-06:00

God is so good. So faithful. And, unlike me, He doesn't waste time! After committing, just yesterday, to renewing my relationship with Jesus, I received a fantastic dream with multiple messages.

As I laid in bed trying to soak up the details of my dream, while it was still fresh, I could vividly recall the event of a rescue. I was in a building but turned to look out across a vast landscape. Very far away, I could see a person who appeared to be drowning. They were stuck in a cave like crevice and the waves kept washing over them. I immediately knew I had to go help them. I rushed there as fast as I could. Along the way I saw another person heading in that direction, and another, and another. By the time I reached the drowning victim, there must have been about 15 people there to help. At first I thought, "wow, how many people does it take to help one person?" It soon became clear that no ONE person could provide rescue on their own. The circumstances were such that we had to make a human chain in order to pull this individual out of the water. Upon realizing this, I said to the person, "wow, look at how many people God sent to help you. He really loves you!"

I walked through this dream a few times and heard some great messages. First of all, God sees us when we are "drowning", when we are suffering and in need of help. Not only that, but God sends us exactly what we need, and He knows what we need. He didn't send one person, see that the task needed more and then call for back up. I may have questioned why there were so many people there, but obviously I do not have God's vantage point and knowledge. And although it's a familiar message, I love the reminder that together we can succeed where we may fail on our own.

Just as I was smiling at all the wonderful things God had shown me, I felt a nudge to take a look at the dream again. I was missing something. I heard Him say, "where did it start?" That's when I saw the more personal aspect of the message. Before I saw the person in need, I had been busy trying to bar off a room in which a meeting was being held. Instead of just closing a door, I believe I was using pool noodles (of all things) to create a fence like closure to the room. The people having the meeting were those that lead worship at our church. One of them came up to me and kindly asked me to stop doing what I was doing as it was distracting.

Now, I will have to provide a little bit of background for this to make any sense. For the past four years or so I have been blessed to play a leadership role on our worship team. However, this spring I felt the need to step down from that role. There were many reasons, the biggest one being that my children needed more of me. I have been struggling for the past month or so with the idea of returning to the team. Should I? Do I want to? Or more importantly, does God want me to? I could get distracted with a rather long tangent here, so I will just say that this has been a really big battle in my heart. I've been trying to decipher between desires for myself and God's desires for me.

Through much thought and prayer I was almost ready to conclude that it is not time for me to step back into that role. However, even writing that is tough for me. It is something I love to do. By admitting this truth, it feels like I am closing a door when I'd rather keep it propped open for easy access. This dream, however, pretty much concluded what I had been hesitant to accept. God was showing me the flimsy gate which I had erected. A pool noodle creates a boundary, but not a very good one. However, as always, God is full of grace. He may have said no to me, but He also gave me a great vision of why not. Through the worship leaders reaction, He showed me that I am being distracted by this proverbial door. That it is keeping me from seeing where I am needed. The moment I took my eyes off the door and looked out across the horizon I saw where I needed to be. I also feel that God was showing me a picture of what lay ahead for me. I don't know for certain if my objective is to rescue people per say, but I do know what He has planned for me is something that will excite me and bring much joy. In the dream I can recall feeling passionate and thrilled to be helping some one and catching a glimpse of God. The other thing that brings me joy is that picture of working together. As I look at the dream from a more personal viewpoint, it's comforting to know that when I can't do something alone, God will send friends to help me succeed.

So, it's official. I am replacing my pool noodle gate with a real door. If God wants me to walk through it again one day, He will open it. I likely would have made this decision before the dream, but now I can do it with joy. I have been reassured that the things God has planned for me will be far more rewarding to my heart, and presumably to those around me as well. It's much easier to make a tough decision with the right perspective. Thanks God!

A Time Of Renewal

2011-08-30T00:04:00.000-06:00

Autumn is my favourite season. Beautiful colour changes, cozy sweaters, walks through fallen leaves, the lack of mosquitoes-these are all attributes I appreciate this time of year. And while the earth itself begins to hibernate for a time, I find it to be a season of great renewal for my soul. Every summer I say that I will stay connected with Jesus, I will pick up my Bible daily, I will pray often. I always predict that I will have so much free time to do all these things and more. Yet, every summer, I fail to do so. This year was no different. While I have not left Jesus' side, nor has He left mine, it seems like ages since we had a real conversation. I equate it to an evening at the movies. It's really nice to sit close to your date and feel comforted that you are not alone in the theatre, but it's not a very good relationship building activity.

Typically, as August nears it's end, I'm filled with anticipation for the renewal of that close-knit relationship with Christ. This year has been different though, as the desire came a lot earlier than usual. For the past few weeks the weather has been hot and sunny. I feel I should be on the beach enjoying what little warmth we have left. My mindset, however, is of cozy sweaters, a cup of hot chocolate and some God-centered literature.

The other night I was chatting with Jesus and telling Him how excited I was to feel connected with Him again. Great anticipation overwhelmed me, thinking of how good it is when my heart is so closely linked with Christ's. It was at that moment I received a picture. I was brought back to a memory of my first boyfriend. It was movie night at our school and we were sitting side by side in the gym. I couldn't tell you what movies we watched that day, but I clearly remember the anticipation I felt the entire time, just waiting for him to hold my hand. Finally, as we reached the last ten minutes of the second movie, he took hold, and I was overjoyed. I smiled at the memory and knew right away what God was trying to say to me. The anticipation of a good thing is sweet, but the action is even sweeter. I knew He was suggesting that I should just grab His hand now instead of waiting. After all, wouldn't it be better to enjoy the "hand holding" right away? Why wait?

So, on that note, here I go...

It may be a little premature to bundle up in my wool sweaters, but I'm going for a walk. I'm leaving the movie theatre, grabbing hold of Jesus' hand and we're going to spend time sharing our hearts with each other. I don't have an inkling of what our time together will look like yet, I will let Him be the guide, but I know it will be so sweet and worth the time I give Him. I want to encourage you to do the same. Don't just wait for that moment when it all seems to fall into place, when the time finally seems just right. Wouldn't it be better to be there now?

Lost...and found!

2011-03-31T23:19:00.000-06:00

For about two months I had been feeling worn out and just plain busy. While it's considered normal for most people (including myself), this time it was somehow different - but I couldn't put my finger on what it was. I wasn't unhappy or depressed, however, I did have a lack of desire to pray or do anything extra for anyone else. However, God (knowing me so intimately) knew exactly what was going on in my heart. AND He was gracious enough to name it for me.

The dream that lead to this revelation began with me working in a hair salon. I was doing some one’s colour. I washed it out but for some reason felt I needed to leave the shampoo on for a while. I thought I would take advantage of the time I had while I waited. I went to check up on my children who were in a daycare nearby. I ended up on a bit of a scenic route – walking past various stores, inside and outside.

The middle part of this dream is a little fuzzy, but at some point I picked up my youngest child. I headed back to work with him asleep in the baby carrier. I walked out the gate of a subway station, through one of those one way turn style gates. When I got outside, the fresh air felt great as did the sunshine. It was a beautiful day. A man passing by made a joyful, God related comment to me. I said, “yeah, yay Jesus," while circling my finger halfway in the air – as if to really say, “I don’t care”. The man looked at me, shocked.

Due to my lack of energy and enthusiasm, I almost skipped praying about this dream entirely. However, I chose to be faithful to my promise of approaching all my dreams as possible messages from God. So, I begrudgingly began to talk with Him about it. Right away I heard a message loud and clear. The last part of the dream really spoke to me. I believe what God was trying to show me was that I had lost my passion for Jesus. This is not to be mistaken with a loss of love for Christ - but the great joy and emotional high that comes from loving Him.

The dreamed paralleled well with real life. While I went through the motion of praising God, it was not with joy, excitement or enthusiasm. I remember reacting to the man's look of shock very defensively. I thought, “what? I have a sleeping baby – it’s not like I can jump around!” Praying about that moment, God immediately revealed how faulty my thinking was. I may not have been able to jump in circles, yell and shout, but I could certainly speak with a smile on my face and joy in my heart.

I don't feel that God was showing me this to rebuke or reprimand me in anyway. That would not be in line with His loving and wooing nature. I believe He was graciously naming what I had been feeling, which made it more tangible to deal with. Though I did not stress about it, I began to wonder how I would find that passion again. Was there something I could do to get back on the road where I longed to be? I chose to look forward, instead of searching for the why and how of the circumstance. This is a lesson I learned long ago. While I know there is much value in knowing the path to not take, I have found myself stuck on that road before, trying to trace my steps backwards. So, I set my eyes on the goal and attempted to move toward it.

During these passionless months, I did not stop thinking about Christ, looking to Him or hearing from Him. I am grateful for that. One of the things I felt God was prompting me to do was write a letter to someone. Once again, due to the lack of passion, I put it off, again and again. Then one Sunday God grabbed my attention with a song, "The Wonderful Cross". In particular, these words:

O the wonderful cross, O the wonderful cross
Bids me come and die and find that I may truly live

I realized that I needed to die to myself once again. Due to the state my heart had found itself in, I was focusing more on me than on Christ. I chose at that moment to shift my gaze back to Jesus - not just half way. That night I sat down, wrote that letter and sent it.

By the evening of the next day, I realized that I was feeling different. I didn't want to jump to any conclusions, but I found myself boldly speaking about God to a friend (which truly surprised me) and my desire for prayer had returned. I felt like staying up all night just to talk with God - about anything. After a week, I felt it was safe to declare that my passion had returned! What joy!

While I can speculate, I still do not know the exact reason for the loss of passion in my life. Perhaps God needed me to write that letter and I had to walk this path to get there. Or maybe the reason was as simple as allowing my gaze slip away from Christ. There is more to the dream that I have not been able to successfully pray through as of yet. I am, however, grateful and delighted that I am once again experiencing that joyous high that comes from loving Christ. I am also thankful that God still spoke to me throughout this small trial. It is so comforting to know that He is there, guiding and speaking to me even when I don't feel like listening. He doesn't give up on me but remains faithful and constant. Thanks God!

Hope, Confidence and Excitement

2011-01-04T22:24:00.004-07:00

Last week I had a wonderful dream. However, before I prayed about the meaning, it didn't seem so wonderful! Though it was a short vision, it spoke much to me.

The main character in this dream was DJ. He was telling me about his marriage and how it wasn't going well. He and his wife were even talking about divorce. I was shocked. I hadn't seen it coming at all. As he continued to talk, it was revealed to me that he was actually possessed by a demon. As quickly as the discovery was made, I began to call out the demon in Jesus' name. It didn't take long before I saw this demon leave DJ, but it did take conviction and confidence on my part. There was a visible change in his face and I knew that the problem had been solved.

When I woke from this dream I was taken aback. I thought about it all day but was having a hard time understanding the message. DJ is some one I love and care for very much. He also does not yet consider Jesus a friend. I questioned what I was suppose to do with this dream. Was I suppose to ask DJ about his marriage? It didn't seem to be under any unusual stress to me. Should I tell him I had a dream? If I mentioned God in any way, I wanted to be on the right track, lest I cause him to stumble further away from the love of our saviour. I mulled and prayed over this dream for days.

I believe it was on day four I received some clarification in which I felt confident. I felt God saying that the picture of marriage was not that of "man and wife", but of "man and Jesus". Then when I asked about the demon, He said that it was a representation of Satan. It was (and is) DJ's heavenly marriage that is in trouble, not his earthly one. Satan has some how deceived him, thus the demon possession.

I was delighted to finally have some light shed on this puzzling dream, but there was more to be revealed. Why had God sent me this message? What was I to do with it? I had to ask the question, "so what"? I believe that God is asking me to pray for DJ. Now, I have often prayed for him, but I have also often questioned what good it will do. I must admit that my faith is somewhat lacking in this circumstance. How can my prayers help some one who has trouble seeing with the eyes of his heart? Well, the more I thought about this dream, the more awestruck I was. God asked me to pray for DJ. That means that He loves this man, is seeking this man, is desiring for this man to love Him back. God asked me to join him in wooing DJ to Himself. As a result, God also spoke hope into my heart for this man. So, I have committed to praying for DJ, believing that it is in fact God's plan for my prayers to be successful. However, God has also shown me something else. That He wants me to pray with the confidence and conviction I had when I cast out the demon in that dream.

In the past, when I prayed for DJ, a bit of hopelessness always seemed to sneak into my heart. Since the revelation of this dream the attitude of my prayers have changed. Now when I pray for this man who is dear to me, I feel great hope and excitement. I think of the day that he learns how much Jesus loves him and how wonderful it will be. I don't know when that day will come, but I feel confident it will happen. God can make it happen, and it seems pretty obvious to me that He wants it to happen.

Prayers of Obedience and Boldness

2010-05-28T22:18:00.004-06:00

Wow. Life sure has been busy. Between a rough pregnancy and now a new baby, not only have I had little time to update my blog, but the lack of sleep doesn't make for dream filled nights! However, God has spoken in other ways, and I do have some catching up I can do from many months ago. I'll start with this...

My dream ironically begins with me waking up. I think right away about calling my friend D. It is really early in the morning but I decide to try anyway. My call wakes her up, but she still chooses to talk. I find out that she is feeling really ill, yet is not sure why. She can't even seem to get out of bed. D falls asleep while she is trying to carry on our conversation. I feel strongly prompted to pray for her while we are still connected on the phone - even if she is unaware. My prayers with God remain thoughts, silent to the rest of the world. My next and immediate prompting is to pray aloud. Obediently, I begin with a whisper and increasingly get louder until I reach a normal talking voice. D wakes up. The next thing I know, I am with her, sitting on the edge of her bed. We are talking about how she feels. I hear my voice some what like an echo, as if I'm far away. It says, "the pain you are feeling is emotional, deal with the emotions and the pain will go away." D lays there, just staring at me, looking curious. I realize that she is waiting for me to speak. She is aware that something strange is going on with me. I ask her, "did you hear that?" She answers me rather confused, "no." That's when I realize, rather shocked and amazed, that I just heard a message from God and I share it with her.

When I awoke from this dream, my initial reaction was to think that perhaps my friend needed prayer. That there was (or would be) something going on in her life. So, I called her to find out. Although the dream definitely highlighted D, there didn't seem to be much connection between the vision and her circumstances. I took some time in prayer to see if God could help me unfold the message. He revealed to me the now obvious conclusion - that this dream had nothing to do with my friend. It had everything to do with asking me to step up and be bold, once again! I feel He was saying that while I frequently hear His voice well, I need to speak out with bravery and faith in prayer. That if I can accomplish this, so much more will be revealed. When I prayed in my head, nothing happened. When I faithfully stepped out and began praying louder, it brought me closer to my friend. It was then that I heard God speaking clearly and audibly. It was then that He revealed things unknown to us. It was then that He gave us guidance. It was as if God was telling me, be bold, speak out, have faith, trust and be obedient. If I had not been obedient and trusting in the first place to His prompting to call D, and then to pray aloud, we would have never heard what He had to share with us.

On another note, I like how God's voice was like my own. I like how, even though I did not know it was Him at first, it was so obvious and audible. I like how He rewarded me for my obedience. It tells me that He will not ask us to do something without coming through on His end. It also tells me that he cares. I questioned why He didn't just give me answers in the first place. I'm certain that if He had, without leading me to ask questions, I would have never known it was Him speaking.

I have been challenged to speak my prayers boldly and aloud, and to be obedient to how God is calling me to pray. I challenge you to do the same. Yes, God can hear your thoughts, and it is still a good way to pray. I am not suggesting that God will not listen to your silent prayers. I am certain he hears every cry of our heart, however spoken. However, there is something so much more faith building and empowering when we speak out in our prayers. Listen for God's prompting. Allow Him to guide what and how your pray. If he guides you in a certain direction, you can trust that He will reveal Himself and His love for you.

A Journey of Rewarding Obedience

2009-09-14T21:37:00.005-06:00

I am so excited to finally have some time and energy to sit down and write again! I have spent much of the past 10 weeks extremely tired as I am pregnant. While I have a lot of catch up to do, this recent God experience was so wonderful, I just have to share it right away!

My week long journey began last Sunday. While I have been longing to re-connect with Jesus again and serve Him better, I knew that He was patiently waiting for me to come out of a season of fatigue and nausea. During the morning's sermon, however, my heart was touched to pray for this even more. Well, the next thing I know, right after our service, I am approached by my friend. She tells me she is going to sound rather kooky, but she is quite sure that God prompted her to give me what she is holding in an envelope (which is obviously money). Accepting this is a gift from God, with curiosity I thank her for her obedience and take it. I think to myself, "as soon as I see how much money is in the envelope, I will know why God has given this to me." As I have witnessed, God is so good at providing when we need it, not in advance but at the precise moment. This in mind, I opened the envelope to find $20. Not to be ungrateful, but I think, "I don't need $20 dollars!" I mean, who can't use an extra $20? However, it's not a mortgage payment, or the amount I would need to attend the ladies retreat, or anything else that I can think of. Why would God give me $20? So, after some conversation with Him, I come to the conclusion that the money is not for me. Perhaps I am going to be in a position to touch some one's life that my friend would not...and it must be before next Sunday, or she could have given it to me then (that second part was likely my logic more than God's). So, I place the money in a special envelope and into my wallet, pray that I will hear God's prompting well and carry it around with me all week. Everywhere I went I looked around and thought, "is that the person? is it that homeless man? is it that mother? will I see them today?" Friday came along and I still had the envelope. I wondered if I had missed my opportunity to bless some one or if my chance was still around the corner...and what God was up to! I told Him that He would eventually have to tell me what to do with this money, as I was not going to spend it on myself. Well, Saturday rolled around. My friend took my children with her for the day, which turned into the evening. Due to circumstances that just "happened so," I ended up going to run a few errands in the evening before going to pick up my children. I pulled up to the video store to return my movie. The parking spot I was originally going to take wasn't really accessible due to some people milling around, so I chose another....which just "happened" to be right in front of a very drunk man sitting on the sidewalk. I thought, "oh God, that's not they guy, is it?" As I opened the door to get out, I prepared myself to be open to a yes. However, as I stepped onto the sidewalk the man began to yell out some lovely profanities. While they were not directed at myself, or anyone for that matter, they were enough to make me hurry into the store. I prayed and said to God, "if that is the man you would like me to give this money to, you are going to have to open a door for me. I can try to love the unlovable, but I don't know how to approach the unapproachable." Wouldn't you know it, as I neared the vehicle again he greeted me kindly and asked if I had forty cents to spare. I chose to look through my wallet for some change. In all honesty, it wasn't to be kind, but so that I could have some time to assess the situation and leave God some time to speak to me. I approached the man and handed him what change I could find in my wallet. I noticed that not only was he so drunk that the whites of his eyes had been completely replace by red, but he had an unopened mickey of alcohol next to him. I began to wrestle with God again. I said, "there is no way this could be the man. I mean, if I give him this money he is just going to go buy himself more alcohol. That can't possibly be right!" So, after a little "small talk" I got into the vehicle. After another moment of prayer I was fairly certain this was, in fact, the man that was to receive this blessing. So, out I got again, armed with the envelope. I bent down and said, "this may sound odd to you, but last Sunday God gave this to me and I've been waiting for Him to tell me what I should do with it. I am pretty sure He wants you to have it." He lifts his head up, rolls his eyes and says, F*** God! I said, "would you like the money, sir?" He asked me, what is it? I answered, "it's $20." He tried to open it, but got frustrated and handed it back to me and so I opened it and passed him the bill. He held it in his hand and questioned if I was sure I wanted to give him this money. I responded with, "it's not my money, it's God's. He wants you to have it." I pleaded with him to buy some food with it, though I'd be surprised if any of it was spent on that purpose. As I stood up to leave, I said, "God bless you." After all the choice words I had already heard from him, and his original comment on God's blessing, I was surprised to hear him say, "God bless you too." Wow. That in itself spoke volumes to me of how powerful God's love can be!

What a gift I received from God this week. From a personal point of view, when I was given that $20 my eyes were opened to seek Him everywhere I went. I was in constant conversation with Him, looking for Him at all times, waiting for Him to guide me, waiting for Him to show me how to love His children. Now, that is a relationship I desire at all times! The second gift I received was to see God at work. I saw a man go from speaking ill of God to asking Him to bless me! That man received not only a blessing from God, and a sign that maybe there is a creator who loves him, but he also received a friend who prayed for him over and over. I don't know why God chose that man, or me, or what will come of the situation, but I know that it is in God's hands now. While it seemed strange to me to give a drunk man more money (and in hind sight I wondered if I should offer to buy him food instead - but, hey, I'm still new at this), God knows what He is doing. Even if that man did buy more alcohol, it doesn't mean he wasn't blessed. I know I am not responsible for the choices that man makes, but I am responsible for my obedience and faithfulness to God.

In this experience, I am also reminded that it is not up to me to judge people. I knew that, I know that, but it's amazing how judgment can sneak up on you. Had I not been waiting to bless some one with God's gift, I would have never given money to a drunk man. I mean, who wants to see "their money" spent on something like that. In my eyes, that man may not have deserved a gift - he'd probably be ungrateful, or even forget the whole thing. Through the eyes of Jesus, however, I was able to see the situation differently. Maybe he didn't deserve a blessing (do any of us?), but he needed one - and God loves us that much! I'm not saying that we need to give money to everyone who asks us, but that we should always be seeking God's guidance and not let our own preconceptions get in the way.

On a lighter note, I once again got a glimpse of God's great sense of humour. I have to tell you, money is very rarely an idol for me. I'd much rather go back to the ways of bartering and just helping each other out. However, for one week, money actually became a symbol of God for me! I took Him with me wherever I went and was just waiting to share Him with some one. I find that ironically funny. The second thing that made me laugh was that after the whole event with the drunk man on the sidewalk, I got back into the vehicle. I never listen to the country stations but my friend had it on in her car, and I hate to play with people's settings. After I finished praying for that man, I actually stopped to listen to the lyrics of the song that was playing: "God is great, beer is good, people are strange." That kept me giggling for the rest of the drive.

I would like to challenge you, as I challenge myself. $20 is all it took for me to step out in faith and keep my heart focused on where God wants me to walk. What would it take for you to be able to do that on a consistent basis? I began thinking about how great this was and how I would love to always have that open line between God and myself. To always be ready to follow the example of Jesus. I doubt that He will prompt some one to give me $20 every week, and so I know that I need to seek Him instead. My challenge to you is this: Take a moment in prayer. Ask God if there is some one who needs to feel His love through you. Maybe he will suggest you carry around an envelope of money to give to some one in need a blessing. Maybe He will suggest you bring a blanket with you one day, or a carton of milk, or even a kind word. Perhaps you don't need a physical reminder to keep your heart open to His voice. In life we often get so wrapped up in what we need to accomplish that we put the rest of the world aside. If we arm ourselves so that we are prepared to be obedient, before we even leave the house, then it will be easier to hear His voice when He does speak to us.

Where My Eyes Gaze, My Heart Will Follow

2009-07-16T23:41:00.002-06:00

God is so amazing. I have been on a bit of a journey over the past few weeks and He has revealed much to me. I don't know exactly how it began, but at one point I noticed that I was feeling disconnected from God. While I was still hearing from Him, still worshiping Him, still reading my Bible, I just wasn't feeling that active joy I've had in Him for the past few years. I still loved and wanted to serve Him, but did not know exactly how to go about doing that. Nothing I tried seemed to "work." It was as if I had jumped off of the boat without knowing it and was missing the ride. I've been through valleys with God before but this was different. I kept trying various things to get the resulting connection I desired. I fervently prayed to hear Him more clearly, see Him more obviously, feel Him more closely. I hungered, I longed, I sulked for that joy I seemed to have lost. Never did I turn my eyes from God, not once...well, not really.

So, in the midst of all this spiritual turmoil I was feeling, God gave me this dream:

I was in a room with a bunch of people. It felt like high school. There were small groups chatting with each other. I was talking to a male friend of mine and, as my interest in him was romantic, I invited him over for a visit later. After our conversation I sensed that his feelings did not mirror my own and so I decided to move on. I quickly engaged in conversation with another guy and found myself flirting with him. I asked him for some advice. I, apparently, had not attended classes all semester and was wondering if I should even bother come exam time. He told me that I should just do what is easy, what makes me feel good. His advice made me feel better and the romance continued to grow. My previous interest appeared again, but in the form of a girl. She had made me a very intricate and beautiful book-like card explaining her feelings for me. I glanced through it quick enough to register the idea that she was sad, felt rejected and was indeed very interested in me. My heart was saddened slightly but I put up a wall of defense right away. I reasoned that it was not my fault, that she didn't reciprocate my feelings, and now I had moved on. I went back to my new, and exciting romance. We continued to flirt, thinking we were well hidden, but I looked up to see many eyes staring at us with disapproval. At first I was concerned, but very quickly a "who cares" attitude took over. I chose to leave with this guy only to pass my previous interest once again, who had taken on yet another form - this time of another male friend. He was very upset as he watched me leave with this new guy, but I no longer cared. I was happy.

At first this dream made little sense to me until I wrote it down, all the while listening for the Spirit to lead me in it's interpretation. The initial thing I saw was that my first romance was Jesus. The manifestation of Him in three different forms reminded me of the trinity, but also that He can (and does) appear to us in many different forms, ones that we may not expect. I saw myself straying from my "first romance" (my first Love) because I did not get the reciprocation I had expected. Instead I searched elsewhere and found a sinful romance. After all, what kind of godly person would give advice such as that-to do what is easy and makes me feel good. I became aware that God was showing me the far too easy downward spiral that can happen when we let sin into our lives, or make bad choices. First I turned from God, who was gently wooing me with great detail and care (as I saw from the intricate card He made). Then I took a step further and walked into the arms of that sinful romance. Initially there was guilt associated with it, but in the end I stopped caring about anything but myself.

While I was grateful for the message in this dream, it also troubled me. God revealed that just because I am not getting the reaction from loving Him which I desire, it doesn't mean that He isn't loving me. I actually knew this, which is why I kept pursuing Him, but it was a needed reminder. The thing that kept eating away at me was the degeneration of my love for God. I thought, this must be a warning of where I might end up, should I remain on this path. I couldn't see how that was possible, after all, I was still loving God...or was I?

After much analyzing and questioning, I chose to give up problem solving. I have a tendency to do that. I love to find the route of things, an explanation, so that I can solve the issue at hand. However, doing so kept me going in circles. I began praying that He would help me to focus on Him instead of on myself and how I was feeling, what I was missing, what I wanted. After all, He's already given me the greatest gift He could, who am I to ask for more? Not only that, but it is rather exhausting thinking about me all the time and I would much rather it be about Him.

Well, once again, God answered. Praise the Lord! The other night I was thinking about Him and realized that some of that joy had returned. I was elated! Since then, even more has found it's way back into my heart. The journey, however, did not end there. I set out to share what I learned and, as He continues to do, God has blessed me through this blog and has revealed more revelations and clarity.

I said before that I never turned my eyes from God, but I had; that I was still loving Him, but I was not (not very well, at least). I was wrapped up in myself, focused on what I wanted from Him. I was waiting for God to reward me for loving Him, and in a specific way even. But true love does not expect anything in return. Just as in my dream, I had looked to God just quickly enough to see His love for me. I now see that indeed the dream was entirely about me and not just a warning. Not loving Him without expectation, being caught up in what I yearned for Him to give me-that was the sinful romance. God was reminding me of who He is - the only one worthy of our praise and worship, the creator of all things, the beginning and the end, the Holy One, the One who is love. Who am I to question how He reveals Himself to me? Who am I to try and paint Him into a corner or put Him into that proverbial box? Like Job, I need to remember to focus on God at all times. Fortunately, I didn't need to go through the same experience to learn that! In hindsight I see that what I masqueraded as focus on God was actually focus on myself. Even though my thoughts were about Him, they were rooted in what He can do for me.

During this journey I had also received another message, more than once. In wanting to just love God and focus on Him, I chose to ask how I could do that-since everything I was trying did not seem to be working. I heard Him say "sing." I didn't get it until today. I was listening to a song that spoke of singing all the time; singing praises to our creator during the good times and the bad. In other words, in case it hasn't hit home yet, focus on God at all times. Worship Him at all times.

While I could feel something was "off" for weeks, I think this was so hard to pin point because originally it came from a place of goodness. It started out with a desire for more God, more of those highs we all feel when He's touched us so personally. Somehow the desire became selfish and all about me. It became a need to repeat what I had felt before, and on a larger scale, but I forgot to put God before the desire. Yes, He will give us the desires of our hearts, but our hearts need to be aligned with His first.

In my dream, our loving and caring Father was watching me and mourning, despite the fact that I walked out the door on the arm of my sin. Even as I struggled in my awake hours, I know that He continued to care, that he felt saddened as He kept constant watch over me. Even during this temporary relapse He was there, patiently waiting and gently wooing me back. He truly is a romantic.

Lord, I ask for Your forgiveness. Though I knew in my head that you are the great I Am, my heart lost sight of that for a while. I am sorry for that. Thank You for calling me and shifting my focus back to you. Since my eyes began gazing into Yours again, I have again found the joy that loving You brings. Joy that helps me to enjoy the good times and find pleasure during the harder times. May this lesson be a reminder to others that might struggle from time to time with this same issue. May they hear You calling their gaze back to You, back to that place of joy and love. Amen.

My Commission

2009-07-04T12:57:00.009-06:00

This entry is a little different. About four months ago my Pastor (and friend) gave a sermon and asked, "What is your commission from God?" He also handed out a guide to help us through the exercise of deciphering what that may be. It took a while for me to find time for this project, and a week or so to complete, but it was well worth it. Lately, I feel God has been prompting me to revisit that time in prayer andconversation . I also feel that He has given me a green light to share this here. Therefore, below you will find the results of what I felt God saying about my personal commission on this earth. I approached this question using listening prayer and wrote in the style of a journal, but also followed the guide we received. My questions and comments are in black and what I felt God was speaking is in yellow.

My Commission From God

#1 My commission from God has a goal which I can fix my attention on

Lord, I already know that my commission is to love others, but that is everyone’s purpose. How is this a specific commission for me – different from the command for us to love each other?

My task is not to merely love others but to give of myself. It is making myself available when others need to talk or just have a friend near by. It is about true relationships with a purpose – getting down to heart matters, opening my heart and soul to others so that they may see/hear Jesus through me, thus showing them His eyes. I am also called to carry them (not their burdens) in my heart.

Lord, You’ve given me so many talents. I am fairly good at a lot of things but only great at this one (loving). Actually, everything for me boils down to love. Why is that?

Without love my other gifts are useless. My other gifts are to be used to love others. I have been blessed with them so that I can love many different people in many different ways.

THAT is an awesome job! – to love people FOR You! How blessed am I?! Thank you for that honour!

I still don’t understand how this is a commission and not just a commandment. Again, how is this different?

Looking at other examples:

Paul loved – he preached the Truth

D’s friend loves – he gives of his time and energy to help

S loves – she teaches

I love….....I give of myself and my many talents.

I feel God saying that I am “washing the feet of their hearts.” …often the dirtiest part of one, but necessary to get where you are going. (That’s a HUGE responsibility and commission. It not longer seems so “ordinary.” It also feels over my head when I look at it that way….but that is where I need to lean on God, for I cannot do it on my own! This makes it feel like more of a mission now, rather than just a commandment.) I also hear the word “vessel” – a vessel for Jesus’ love?

Is it possible that my loving to love makes a difference? Instead of feeling like I should or have to, I actually feel like I NEED to? I receive joy from loving others, but the ultimate joy comes when I bring Jesus into the picture. Much of this joy is from seeing Jesus revealed, shining back at me as a result of the love I’ve given.

Yes, I am a vessel for Jesus to make his way into some one’s heart. (He is using me to open doors that need a human form to turn the knob – a more tangible form of God’s love?)

“LOVE AS I HAVE LOVED YOU”

I have a hard time accepting this is you speaking and not my ego. Possibly because I fear myself lacking humbleness. After all, what could be better than being a vessel for you? I certainly need your strength, guidance and wisdom to do this. It’s HUGE! When I look at it as a commission, not just a way to “be”, it becomes really scary to do without you – not to mention impossible!

#2 My content is…

I think, it may go back to the statement of “love as I have loved you.” I believe Jesus IS my content. His ways, example and words.

#3 My activities are…

To love, listen, encourage, help, pray, follow up, speak with a tongue guided by Jesus, make time for people, give of myself and my time, let others into my heart as well as listen to theirs (two way road – develop trust). I think that there will be a time I am called to prioritize the friends God puts in my path. That my work with some of them will be done for a time and I need to have the wisdom to see where I need to spend my time.

#4 My way of measuring progress will be…

Seeing Jesus’ eyes reflected back at me

Seeing hearts opening up and accepting Jesus’ love (thus seeing healing in some cases)

Feeling more of Jesus in me – that “addictive high”

Relationships will flourish and grow even deeper and more easily. Trust and love will grow.

#5 My way of being plugged into God is…

While I have many ways of plugging into God in general, I think that for this specific task it would be:

Spending time in prayer with God – listening for His prompting, guidance and wisdom

Waiting on Him to respond to questions and speak into my heart

Keeping ears/eyes open for opportunities

Constantly worshipping Him to maintain perspective – so I continue to realize how awesome this gift of loving his children, my brothers and sisters, is!

Conclusion:

God is calling me to LOVE OTHERS AS HE HAS LOVED ME by becoming a sacrifice for him. I am here to do his work and so my relationships should be ones of purpose. While I can expect to enjoy them, life here is not about me. There is a greater picture. I am called to open up my heart to others, creating a reciprocal trust, so that Jesus may shine His light through me. Of course, all of this has to be done with His guidance and wisdom for I cannot do it on my own.

This song has been on my heart a lot lately, but now even more of it makes sense to me, and speaks to me as a theme song, after going through this exercise.

Lord You Have My Heart (by Delerious)

Lord you have my heart (I gave him my heart in a vision I had, as only he can be trusted with it)

And I will search for yours (now I am looking to Him to hear where he would have me minister to others…seeking His heart for others)

Let me be to you

A sacrifice (I am to sacrifice myself to do His will, my entire self, not just a portion of me. Loving others requires I give myself to Him completely)

Lord you have my heart

And I will search for yours

Jesus take my hand

And lead me on (I need his hand to lead me, his guidance, for I cannot follow this road without Him. I do not have the capability to do these things, but He does and He can use me – which is so completely awesome to me!)

And I will praise you Lord (Without the praise, I lose my focus on the importance of the task at hand as well as where the glory is to go)

And I will sing of love come down (Love, what more can I say…I do sing of His love…constantly. It is the only thing that really matters)

And as you show your face (He will show his face, through others, through me, through our love)

We’ll see your glory here (He will be glorified in all of this, for we, as humans, cannot love like this on our own)

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Why has God been asking me to revisit this commission? For one thing, I believe I have lost sight of it lately. I have been nudged a few times in the past couple months as I haven't been fulfilling my role. I have felt like I am going through a dry spell lately with the Lord, even though I read, pray and still deeply love Him. I have been craving so much more of Him. Looking back at my measurements for progress, however, it's evident to me that my commission has not been taken seriously over the past two months. I realize that we all go through quiet times where we still love God but don't have that "connection" with Him, and that's okay. That may be the case this time for me, but retropectively I think He is drawing me back to Him. Reviewing this has been a good reminder and refrehser for me to put effort into living out my commission - not JUST love God.

My hope in sharing this is that you too may take some time to walk with God through your own commission. Some of the dreams I have shared have made reference to each of us having "work" to do on this earth. While the most important command is to love God and then love each other, part of loving God is to follow what He has planned for us. I don't think many of us know what that plan is. While prior to seeking my commission, I was aware of acomplishing something God had set before me, this has opened my eyes to a brighter light. Now, instead of walking out the door in the morning and wondering what God has planned for me, I can ask specifically who He wants me to love.

Short and Sweet

2009-06-26T21:24:00.005-06:00

The night after my dream about Christ's return I had another which, I believe, was part two of that message. This one, you'll be glad to know, was significantly shorter. While the details of this dream are few, the thoughts and feelings that surfaced through prayer and reflection spoke volumes.

My son was sick. He had developed Alzheimer's and it was progressing quickly-I noticed minute by minute changes in him. As my mother's heart broke, I found myself stressing about all that he needed to learn and accomplish before he could pass onto the next life. How could we possibly fit it all in before his time here ended?

This dream spoke two messages to me. The first is one is more personal, a parents viewpoint. We are responsible for raising our children to know and love God. We don't know how much time we will have to do this and so we must make every day count.

The second message in this dream is the one that relates to that of Christ's return. My son is only three years old. Alzheimer's would be extremely premature and unexpected. This said to me that we have a short amount of time on this earth, and we don't know when that time is up. We must labour daily to be ready for God to take us home. We are all working toward a greater life, one worth while, an amazing one filled with joy, love, peace and rest. However, this life is not unimportant either. Our earthly life does affect the next one, not to mention those whose lives are touched by ours. There is a need to accomplish our God given tasks and prepare our hearts for the day Christ returns.

This is a reminder that I frequently need-usually daily, if not hourly. It's so easy to allow our focus to shift from eternity to the here and now. I pray, for you as well as myself, that God will help maintain our focus on his kingdom more than on this earthly life. That we may seek and find the Lord's calling for our lives, as well as the strength and wisdom to answer it.

2:30 am Revelation

2009-06-10T14:38:00.003-06:00

While I am still trying to play catch up on some messages I've received, I feel compelled to return to the present for a bit.

God has been working in my heart for some time on the issue of jealousy. I wouldn't classify myself as a jealous person in general, but every once in a while that emotion would arise in my heart. Even though I knew it was wrong I couldn't stop it from happening. Head knowledge doesn't always transfer to the heart. After all, how do you reason away emotions? Recently that feeling surfaced again, and made me feel so ugly. God finds our beauty in our hearts, and mine was not looking so good at that moment. In despair, I did what I should have done long ago. I put it in His hands. I prayed and told Him that I am not capable of changing how I react emotionally. While I can outwardly react in the correct manner, I needed Him to keep that jealousy from showing it's ugly face at all. Well, He certainly came through.

The same message that has helped me to be bold enough to share this blog with the world is the same one that caused my latest revelation. As it has been brought to my attention a few times now, God bestows giftings upon us. They, however, are not for us alone. While we may benefit from them, we are called to share them with others, in order to build them up, the outcome of which becomes another gift to us. This mentality is what convinced me that it would be selfish to keep the gifts I've received for myself. They are not mine to keep.

The other night, at 2:30 in the morning, both of my children woke up at the same time. I managed to get them to sleep easily again and crawled back into bed. I closed my eyes and all of a sudden, it hit me like running into a brick wall! Those occaional things that stir up jealousy in me, those giftings I often envy, they ARE mine! God has gifted others with these things so that I may benefit from them, so that I may be nurtured, so that I may see Him in others. All along I've been a fool. Instead of accepting these gifts from God, I have been jealous of the very things He's given to me!

I had expected that one day I would just notice I was no longer jealous, and would be able to give God credit, but He did more than that. He changed my perspective so that I have no more need for jealousy and, at the same time, reminded me of His love for me.

This is probably one of the only times I can say I'm grateful my children woke me up from a blissful sleep! It was worth it to be up for the next half hour or so just marveling at the discovery. I don't know for how long He had been preparing my heart to hear this word, or how loud He had to yell, but I am glad He is a patient and loving God that keeps trying!

This may not be a new discovery to you, but perhaps you will find another message in this revelation. Maybe it's a reminder to use your giftings and share your God moments with others, so that you may be an encouragement. Maybe it will help you to be more bold as well, knowing that you may be holding onto some one else's gift. I can guarantee you, the reward for sharing what God has done for you, or has given you, is like opening an even larger present.

A Glimpse Into The Heart Of Jesus

2009-06-07T21:44:00.003-06:00

While this entry is not about a dream or a vision, I had to share all the same. Today I believe that I was blessed to catch a glimpse into Jesus' heart and see how much he loves each of us.

During our church service, my dear friend was brave enough to share some of her life with us. I had heard her story before, and certain parts of it a few times, so it was nothing new to me. That did not negate it's value, however, or how proud I was of her. And it didn't stop the Holy Spirit from revealing Himself to me. As my friend spoke of a hard time she had gone through I was suddenly struck by this overwhelming sadness. Tears started to fall. I can't even explain how deep the emotions were. I found myself actually suppressing what I knew was about to become a flood. The feeling was indescribable. It was like one of those movie scenes where some one finds out a loved one has died and they just break down into that raw emotion. I sat and wondered, "where did THAT come from?" Then I heard a gentle answer, "that is how much I love you."

I have often prayed and asked Jesus how he feels about certain situations in people's lives. I get a picture of Him weeping over them, but I have always seen His reaction as more docile. I was viewing His emotions on an earthly level. I think He was showing me that even His feelings for us are bigger than we can imagine. He loves my friend so much that he didn't just weep over her, His heart cried out in deep anguish. Christ obviously loved us a lot to sacrifice His life so brutally for us, but this put His love into a whole new perspective for me. Just think about how deep that love is for each of us.

While my experience today was one of sorrow filled tears, it was a joy filled one as well. I got to see how much Jesus loves each of us, what our sorrows mean to Him, and I got to see my friend overcome some trials in her life-thanks to that loving Saviour. I have to admit that, even as I write this, I feel a little crazy, and fear of publishing this is sneaking in But how can I not share how our Lord and Friend feels for us? How can I not pass that along? I pray that you too might get a chance to experience or understand this deep and perfect love in a new way, and with new understanding-whether through this note or some other way He chooses to speak to you. I also pray that you might be more brave and bold than I was and not stifle the Holy Spirit when He comes to you. I'm sure I will get another chance again, but imagine what more I could have experienced.

Christ's Return

2009-05-23T22:18:00.007-06:00

Yes, I had a dream about Christ coming back. I woke up with this gem on the morning of January 13, 2009. I don't even know where to start with this one. It was so full of messages, big ones and small ones. I feel it's necessary to go over the dream, but I have shortened the details so it doesn't become a novel...and hopefully doesn't deter you from coming back to read more!

I went out for an afternoon and ended up downtown Montreal, where I used to live. Crossing the street I had an encounter with an impatient man, to which I reacted very badly. Realizing this, I attempted to correct my reaction with a wave and a smile. I stopped at the foot of a big hill and felt the need to return home as I was unprepared for this outing. Turning around I saw people's faces filled with worry and I turned back to see what they were looking at. Charcoal gray clouds were rolling in fast, and so I decided to hurry. I looked again at the sky after entering a glass roofed building and saw the clouds growing at an alarming rate. There was no wind or rain, just these ominous clouds. I began to feel desperate to get home and searched for the subway entrance. I finally found it only to realize that I did not have my wallet. I decided to appeal to the ticket man's good nature. He had one, and let me through. I lingered, struggling with the need to say, "God bless you" and finally found the guts to do so. I arrived back home in the garage and noticed all sorts of people in the yard. Strangers, but they were welcome there. I also noticed the clouds breaking up, as if running from something, and just evaporating. The fear in me subsided, curiosity took over, and so I went into the yard to get a better look. I questioned a man as to whether he thought it might be Christ coming back. He said no and looked at me strangely, but I was convinced that's what was happening. Thinking this is "it," I began to feel frantic to be with my family and hold onto them, but then felt God prompting me to pray. I heard Him tell me that I had no power in this situation, he comforted me and peace returned. A bright light began to come closer in the now clear sky, like a beam, growing longer and wider. It was soft, warm, comforting and really bright. This is definitely Christ, I told myself. Almost throwing myself, I laid on the ground and reached my arms into the air (despite people's reactions and thoughts) and began singing at the top of my lungs:

"Behold He comes riding on the clouds
Shining like the sun at the trumpet call
So lift your voice it's the year of jubilee
Out of Zion's hills salvation comes"

The light then passed over us, the sky turned dark but was littered with mores stars than I could have ever imagined. A few seconds later, there was a small "poof" sound and complete darkness followed-as if the universe had disappeared. The glow of the city lights began to appear. People started discussing the event. I was still convinced Jesus has returned but others were suggesting the possibility of a meteor. I was in complete disbelief of their blindness.

It was at this point I woke up to a child who needed some TLC. It was hard to pull myself out of bed as I wanted to stay in that dream and see what happened next. The excitement, joy and peace were unexplainable. I managed to get up, but found myself with a strange feeling of fear. I kept peeking over my shoulder and around corners, checking to see if there was an intruder in the house.

The big picture: I have been over this dream many times. While I am not sure I have unveiled all of the smaller messages, the general message is obvious to me and, I am certain, not just for myself. I believe the great reminder to all of us is that we need to live as though Christ is returning. It's not a message of "we are all going to hell," but a reminder to live for our eternity, to live beyond what this earth has to offer us. A reminder of what is really important and where our eyes need to be focused. I was not ready for Christ to come back. I found myself on a journey without my wallet, a repetitive symbol in my dreams. Once again I had travelled a fair distance without being prepared. It raises questions of how we can get so far along a path we see as right, without being properly prepared. As I prayed over my dream the big hill was highlighted. I asked Jesus what that hill was and I heard, "justice." I had to turn around as I wasn't ready to climb that hill of justice.

Just as the Bible says, He will come like a thief (Revelations 16:15). We won't expect Him, but we won't be able to miss Him either. My dream began as an ordinary day, filled with ordinary tasks. I found myself in my past, so to speak, where I used to live. I feel this is a symbol of reverting back to old lives. Not necessarily forgetting about God, but more about falling back into our old life patterns. The other thing that stood out for me here is that I didn't even see how I got there. All of a sudden I was far away from "home." Far away from where my heart was suppose to be. It seemed to have "just happened." It's amazing how easily our focus can slip without us even noticing.

The smaller picture: There were many smaller themes throughout this dream as well. Many of them are aspects of how we can live our lives for Christ.

Make amends: I turned around to correct my reaction to the impatient driver. It is never to late to attempt righting wrongs, and we should always try to do so. Listen to that voice in your head that prompts you to do the right thing.

Need for the body: It was only when I saw the look of worry in the faces of others that I turned around to see the storm that was approaching. A storm that I had been facing and walking toward all along. It takes other members of Christ's body to help us see things that are happening in our own lives. We need each other.

What really matters: During my attempt to get home, what mattered most was not my safety or the things around me, but the people I love. I believe we are being reminded that people, our brothers and sisters, God's children, Christian and non Christian, are what matter on this earth. Of course, when I began to cling to my family I was reminded that I needed to cling to God above all else. That He is the one in whom I need to put my faith. When the last days come none of the rest matters, only the relationships we have had with each other and with God.

Be bold: This is a message that is aimed at my heart for sure. I know that God is calling me to be more bold. Perhaps He is doing the same for you. I hesitated to share some simple words with a stranger in fear of earthly judgement - as if that is something to fear. Then later I threw myself onto the ground singing out to our King, even though I knew people were looking at me strangely. We need to be bold. While we don't have to have an "in your face" attitude, at times we will be called to stand, share or show our faith and voice what we believe. Sometimes it may be boisterous and other times gentle.

Convictions: Don't let the views of others, especially non Christians, change what you know is true in your heart. I found myself in disbelief over people's opinions and views, and even though it seemed strange to many of them, I continued to believe with all my heart that it was in fact Christ we had seen. Don't let their disbelief affect your own faith. Of course, need I say, you should always weigh things along side God's word.

Lean on God: I felt called to pray about my need to be with my family. God actually reminded me in the midst of it to talk to Him. Call on Him and He will answer you (Jeremiah 33:3). Without Him I felt anxiety, with Him peace.

Pay attention: The sky disappeared with a little "poof." A sound so small for such a big even and one that would have gone unnoticed had I not been looking. Imagine all the things we miss in life when we walk around with our proverbial eyes closed.

Fear: While we are not to fear the things of this earth, I did wake with a horrible fear in my heart. I believe that feeling was contrasting my being in Christ's beautiful and peaceful light. Coming back to this earthly reality I think I finally got a glimpse at how evil our world really is. We get so used to this world and we no longer see the things that aren't "of God" for what they truly are. I often live in a box where I am sheltered from the lies terrible things that happen here and can easily convince myself that this life is pretty good. I will even admit that there have been times I don't even desire heaven, as I'm quite happy in my box. But, after this dream, no more. After feeling the anticipation, the excitement, the joy and peace of Christ (even if only in a dream), I look forward to the day of His return.

Sadly, the initial feelings of this dream faded as the hours passed. This is something that can happen to us all. Over time things we are so positive about, experiences we have felt, can begin to turn into doubt, disbelief or they become weaker. We need to constantly remind ourselves of God's words and promises.

May this message prompt you to take a look at your life. Have you grown complacent? Are you living with Christ's return in your heart? What does it look like for you to do that? I pray that you too may grasp the joy of heaven, the joy of meeting the One who loves us so much and the joy of spending eternity with Him. May you find His peace cover you, so that the evil in this world does not bring you fear. But may you also not forget that this is not heaven, that there is something far better.

.........

That was NOT from God....or was it?

2009-05-19T11:29:00.004-06:00

After sharing some of my dreams and their messages, I was greeted with encouragement, and also with a story. Not once, but three times I heard the same story from some friends of mine. Their friend had decided to dedicate his dreams to God. I thought this was such a great idea. I mean, why not give EVERY moment of you time to God. He should get your waking hours, but why not your sleeping ones too. And since I found that God spoke well to me through my dreams, what better way could there be for me to intentionally listen! ....but I didn't do it, at least, not right away. My heart said "yes" but my head said, "that was some one else's idea" After a few days of pondering it I realized how ridiculous I was being. Having faith, desiring more closeness with God, trying to hear His voice...it's not about originality. It's about loving Him. So, I took the plunge and on August 24th, 2008. I dedicated my dreams to God - but only after I considered what that would look like. It meant work. I promised that every message I received through my dreams I would take seriously. I would look at them as if they were from God. I would pray through them and ask Him for guidance while interpreting the meanings.

So, the next morning (August 25th) I woke up with a dream still in my head. I didn't have that "wow, I just heard from God" feeling this time, but I remembered what I had prayed about the day before and began to look at the dream.

I was driving in my car with a man as my passenger. The man was VERY small, the size of a three year old and I was taking him somewhere. The car broke down on the exit ramp of the highway. We got out of the car and were about to start walking when I noticed that the man was naked. I found a towel with which to cover him. I then began to help him walk, and even carry him some of the way. It was a long walk to our destination. We stopped for some food only to realize I had forgotten my wallet in the car. We left the restaurant and headed back for it. People were staring at him and he was having a hard time passing through the watching eyes to follow me. I went back to help him, almost trying to shelter him, only to find him angry with me for doing too much-for babying him. We left together and continued back toward the car.

As I re-capped this dream, all I could think was, "I just had a dream about a naked midget! That can't be from God!" I realize that "midget" is not politically correct, and I don't mean to offend, but it conveys how ridiculous I felt this dream was-something that I would usually write off as bizarre. I knew that I had given my dreams to God, but was I crazy to think that He would actually take them and use them? Then I also recalled the verse in Matthew 7:9-11.

"Which of you, if his son asks for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake? If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him"

I asked God to use my dreams. Why wouldn't he? Especially if it was something that would glorify Him and draw me closer. So, I sat down, wrote down, and walked with God through the dream. I was amazed, stunned really. The message I discovered was as follows: Even when faced with my own problems (a broken down vehicle), I still need to help others in need-clothing them, feeding them, walking with them, carrying them. The road may be long but I still need to travel it with them. A wallet is something that one doesn't go anywhere without. In this case, I think it symbolized God. He's the American Express card of life-don't leave home without Him! I had left Him behind, and went all the way back to get Him. Even though it would have been faster to just continue on to our destination, it was worth it, and necessary, to make the journey with God along side. The dream ends with a warning not to be overbearing when helping others in need. They need to be respected as adults, not viewed as children that need their hand held each step of the way. Though the man resembled a child in many ways, he was not.

While the dream itself held a valuable message, the experience teaches another lesson. When you ask God for something, have faith that he will deliver. If I had continued to doubt, I would not have seen God show up. I would not have known he answered my prayers. If I had not been obedient to follow through on my own request, I would have missed out on so much. Because I trusted that he would answer me, I have since had more words of encouragement and gentle reminders from Him. The best part is that I grow closer to God with each one.

2009-05-17T22:16:00.003-06:00

My next major dream came on July 31st, 2008. It also felt like a message for our church family, as well as myself. Again, I am sharing this as I believe it will provide as a good reminder, or gentle rebuke to many of us.

I was gathered with a large crowd at a funeral. There was a general feeling of indifference. I wasn't even sure who had died. Some one in the crowd finally stood up, and spoke up. He said, "it's time to face the facts, this person is dead." I saw coloured fabric laid out on the floor, which represented 3 parts of life. As he bends down to rearrange the middle fabric (which is blood red), the spokesperson then says, "the road to real life is going to be the hardest to talk about." He then tells everyone to start gathering rocks. Apparently rocks had been requested for the funeral but there weren't enough there. Everyone obediently leaves and gathers rocks in pails and bring them back in. At this point I wake up with the song "Jesus, Lover of My Soul" clearly going through my head.

Jesus, lover of my soul
Jesus, I will never let you go
You've taken me from the miry clay
You've set my feet upon the rock, and now I know
I love you, I need you
Though my world may fall, I'll never let you go
My Saviour, my closest friend
I will worship you until the very end

In praying over this dream some serious things were brought to light. The nameless person at the funeral was in fact Jesus. I believe the indifference at the beginning of the dream symbolizes our indifference to the death of Jesus. People were more interested in themselves and what was going on around them. When the spokesperson said that it was time to face the facts he was referring to the sacrifice Jesus made, and that He needs to be our focus. The red fabric, surprisingly enough (ha ha) represented the blood of Christ. I believe the other fabrics were a symbol of earthly life and heaven, but they weren't as important. This said to me that we need to focus on the path to "real life." Real life is found in the blood. Real life is found in Christ. The rocks spoke of our foundation. Whether it's not strong enough or we don't have enough of one, I'm not sure. There was a display of great obedience, however, when the people in this dream were rebuked-which is what I hope (and I believe God hopes) this message will bring-obedience and reverence to a deserving God. As far as the song in my head when I awoke, I think it was meant as a reminder of how we should feel about God and what he has done for us. A reminder of who Christ is suppose to be to us.

Another interesting thing jumped out at me while going over this dream again for my blog. We were busy having Christ's funeral. We weren't even at the point of celebrating his rising again. That sure saddens my heart that we could be so wrapped up in ourselves that, not only do we forget about Jesus and what He did for us, but that we also forget about the great joy His overcoming death can, and should, bring us. It's like God was saying that some of us haven't even reached that stage of great joy, we are too busy with ourselves.

Also recently brought to mind is the word from Revelation 3:14-22. God asked the Laodiceans to give up what they thought was important and valuable and exchange it for what really matters. They didn't even realize that they were wretched, pitiful, poor, blind and naked. The believed they were good Christians.

I pray that this dream will also speak to you. That it may prompt you to sit down and ask Jesus, "have I been focusing more on earthly things than you? Am I missing out on the great joy you want me to have?" I hope, of course, that you can answer "no" to both of these questions, but if you can't, may this be the gentle reminder you need to shift your focus back to the "real life."

Waiting in Unity

2009-05-15T18:24:00.003-06:00

The next big turning point in these messages was a dream I had on May 10th, 2008. I awoke with that same certainty that it was a word from God, but this time it came with a feeling that the message was not only for me, but for my church family.

All of our church members were waiting inside a building to gain entrance for a rodeo. This building had been put up in a rush to be finished for the event. We heard creaking, looked up and saw the whole thing moving. We were divided by two points of view on what we should do. The spokesperson on one side said we should stay, that we are Christians and God will protect us. The spokesperson from the other side (which included myself) said that yes, God will protect us, that he can do so us by prompting us to run....which is what we chose to do, leaving the others to make their own decision. Those of us that ran outside then began to throw up some really gross brown sludge. The other group came running out to help us and make sure we were all okay.

This dream came shortly after our Pastor resigned. We found ourselves in a time of transition without clear direction. This is where the waiting to get into the rodeo came in. It symbolized our current situation as we waited upon God for our direction. Walking through the dream, with Jesus as my guide, I saw that the shoddy workmanship of the building was very significant. Any structure that is to be steady and solid must be put up with care...and it takes time. The divided opinions we had were about the same issue - God protecting us. Though we see the details differently, the focus is still the same. Look to God. He should be our fixation. I realize that, to most, the issue of whether to get out of a building that was about to fall apart is a no brainer. The building was just a symbol and is not meant to be taken literally. It illustrates the two extreme paths to the same truth. It was only when the one group started throwing up some seriously gross stuff (and it WAS nasty!) that everyone else came out. The action was a catalyst that reunited us again. This said to me that by getting rid of the "gross stuff" between us, or within ourselves, we can remain united.

The bottom line is that God is calling us to remain united, to take time to build a strong structure, to be patient and trust. We need to focus on Him and put our personal issues and ideas aside.

Though this message may have been directed at a certain group of people, it surely applies to everyone. Imagine a nation of people who can put aside their differences to focus on God and what he wants for us. Imagine what we could accomplish...or rather what God could accomplish through us!

I think I just had a dream from God....

2009-05-14T19:24:00.004-06:00

Bear with me as I back track a bit. I feel it necessary to go back to the very beginning of this particular fork in my journey. My very first prophetic dream came to me about three years ago. I don't know why He decided to speak to me in this way or what lead up to it. One thought is that He has been working in me for a long time and preparing my heart to hear His voice more clearly and obviously-and I was finally ready. On this occasion I woke up with an unmistakable feeling that God had just sent me a message. I took the dream seriously and thought about it's meaning for some time. It was amazing to see what, to many people, would be considered just a strange dream, turn into a message FOR me FROM God!

In this dream there was a family of deer in my back yard. I thought they might be hungry and so I rummaged through the fridge for some food. I passed by all the good fruit and found an apple that was starting to go bad. I chose it to give to them and they gratefully ate it. Then I watched as they changed into people-homeless people. I felt terrible that I had given them almost rotten food. Horrified, really. I knew I needed to help them out and offered them my garage to stay in. They accepted but I again felt terrible that they were staying where it was cold and I was still warm in my house.

As I woke I could still feel God's presence with me and began to decipher the message with His help. I was a little jarred to find it was a word of rebuke, but not completely surprised. He was telling me that I need to give my best to others in need, not my leftovers or what is convenient. While I may not be greedy by human standards, I can honestly say that I was (and still am) a long walk from Jesus' example of selflessness. It was a great reminder to me and, I'm sure, to many others, of the heart attitude we need in caring for others. One that I need to consistently revisit.

Where Do I Start?

2009-04-30T22:11:00.006-06:00

Well, I was hesitant to even start a blog. Partly due to time issues, but also in fear of people's opinions. However, God has called me, many times now, to be bold and share my faith. I do so, realizing that there will be some who may disagree with my thoughts.

What will be the focus of this blog? To be honest, I'm not quite sure yet myself. What promted it are the dreams and visions that I feel God has sent me over the past year or so. There have been some wonderful and encouraging messages in these, and many of them beneficial to more than myself, or my church family. While He may have sent the messages through me, they aren't ALL for me alone. So, while I am not sure where we shall journey together, I do know that I will share those messages. I may even get a little more personal and share those messages that are for myself alone. I will not, however, share publically the messages that I feel are for specific people, without their permission. Those are for them to do with what they see fit. Whatever the content God calls me to share, I do pray that you will be blessed by it. That you will catch even a gimpse of His beautiful presence here on earth. That you will be encouraged to live for Him and to listen for His voice yourself.

Whether with encouragement, question or rebuke, I will welcome and consider any words from viewers that come along side with love.

Thank you for taking the time to open your heart to God's love for each and every one of us.